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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Cocoa Puffs

 got asked earlier how we maintain our relationship with thousands of miles separating us. I can say that it is difficult for me not to be able to text/call my husband whenever I want to. I cannot call when something good happens or something bad happens. I can only wait for him to have time to contact me. I never know when that is going to be and sometimes its long periods of time between conversations.

One way my hoh keeps me feeling like he is around is by giving me tasks to fulfill. I have to send him a weekly meal plan and schedule. Changes to these must be granted permission and when this cant be done I must have a good excuse for changing it or I will be in trouble. He does this for two reasons 1. To maintain some sort of dominant presence in the household and 2. Because I really suck at taking care of myself. I am great at taking care of other people I just suck at taking care of myself. When he was deployed to Iraq a year ago I had issues with this. I love to cook but I hate cooking for myself. I tend to slack on that end and go for easy outs instead. I was staying up all hours of the night and then exhaustion was kicking in.

We don’t have rules in our house but behavioral expectations. There are three things that we expect from each other, mutually. He is great at being an example. The first is safety: never put yourself or anyone else in danger. The second: respect. Show respect to other people and myself. The third is responsibility: be responsible in actions and words. Pretty self explanatory. In the beginning of our relationship I spent a lot of time over his knee, over the side of the couch, bent over the table for being a brat, disrespectful or plain foolish. Lately it’s been maybe twice a year. Right now he is deployed.

How does he punish me from overseas? He has a variety of ways. Recording punishments on camera and sending them to him can assure I have followed through. Buying a newspaper that day and holding it up first can accurately date it. I have had to handwrite lines and essays, stand in the corner, go to bed early, wash my mouth out and once I had to use ginger EEEEKK.

Honestly though, I am normally very well behaved. In the last six months I had only been disciplined once. Matthew has been gone for only two weeks and I am already having issues. I desire to submit to him, to be the strong, loving woman he knows me to be. Yet, I really really have issues when he is gone. Urgh. I wish I wasn’t so impulsive sometimes.

I desire and need the discipline in our lives. It really helps me think before I act. It helps me think before I speak (a big thing for me!) and it keeps me accountable. Seeing him there in front of me is a great reminder, when he’s gone the temptation is soooo much bigger. I love being submissive to him, letting him lead and doing this two step dance that fits us like a glove. I adore having him as the head of the house. He adores that I am not a doormat but a thinking, talking, opinion expressing, educated woman that defers to his final say. I love the fact that he is man enough to hold me accountable, to discipline out of love and to have that clean slate after each correction is made.

This works for us. It works better when he is home.

Tonight for dinner I had a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.

Email: spankedarmywife@gmail.com


Parker & Brinlee said...

I was JUST about to ask you today how you maintained this sort of relationship with him being away..but your blog already answered my question. Very informative. Thanks!

Your husband will be in our prayers until he comes home safe. Hang in there! I'm always here for you.


Elysia said...

Jessica, I am in awe of your relationship with your husband. I can only think that your long distance submission must feel so supportive to him. Thank you both for your sacrifices.
How about learning some new recipes for dinner that you can share with him on that glorious day when he comes home? I'm sure just telling him that you are practicing would put a smile on his face. ;-)

Spanked Army Wife said...

Brinlee- thank you for the prayers and the encouragement. Much appreciated :)

Elysia- Thank you! I love him very much. I have a food blog that I make new recipes on and share the outcomes. I really do love to cook its just not so rewarding when Im doing it for myself. I really like the idea of practicing for him. That gives it more meaning! Thank you for mentioning that.

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