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Saturday, August 21, 2010


Edit and note: I approve all comments before they are posted on here. I prefer the support for Brinlee go to Brinlees blog so I know she gets it :)

Dear Readers,
I am one angry angry person at the moment. Someone decided to post a friends dd blog on facebook,  making fun of it, which in turn meant other people blogged about it and they have gotten a lot of hate filled comments recently. In addition to that, the judgmental righteous attitudes of these people sicken me. It is people like this that make many of us have to hide our relationships and justify them. I was speaking with Brinlee last night and I was so hurt for her having to go through the pain this people have havocked on her and Parker.
Below are some of the comments I have left.

Here is the link to the blog where they attacked Brinlee. Please offer her support and encouragement.

Here is the two links 1.  and   2.  of people who have posted their opinions on the matter. Id appreciate support on our side, especially if you can do so in a respectful, educated manner. We don’t want to give them more fuel for the fire.

My comments:

I do not appreciate how several people came on to Brinlees blog with such hate filled judgement over a consenting lifestyle that makes them (and my husband and I) happy. The judgmental accusations were really hurtful, not only to Brinlee, but to those of us who love and consent to this relationship dynamic.
My husband is a strong, brave, and amazing man. He would NEVER abuse a child nor would he ever abuse me. Everything he does is done out of love and calm, cool demeanor. There is a major difference between an adult and a child and he is intelligent enough to know the difference. To imply that Parker would hurt a child simply because he meets the needs of his consenting and adult wife is asinine and rather insulting.
Those in the domestic discipline community support each other and love each other. We have some of the strongest marriages around. Our marriages are based on trust, understanding and communication. One partner leads and the other follows. We are not doormats, but we have opinions and voices. The key here is that we are consenting adults. We do not feel scared, bitter and afraid for our lives after a spanking. Women who are abused are scared for their lives. Unlike us, we feel loved, forgiven and close to our husbands after being disciplined (and during all times, not just after discipline) we are not afraid of them, we do not fear that they will hurt us. A spanking is hardly the same thing as being punched in the face.
Hate is not something that is going to advance our society. The hatred towards gays for instance, where they felt that hiding their lifestyle was the only possible way to go because of the judgement and hate of those who didnt understand.


There are thousands of couples who practice domestic discipline in this country. Thousands. I belong to many forums and chats with other couples like Brinlee and Parker.

Some things you dont know:
1. It is normally the woman who introduces dd into their marriage. She normally asks for it and wants it.

2. Many dd couples are made up of police officers, military, doctors, lawyers, PSYCHOLOGIST, priest, teachers etc. There is a wide span of career fields involved. Most DD couples are upper middle-class.

3. The relationship is completely consenting.

4. The discipline is not abuse. It is a SPANKING which by the way if you look at many of the older John Wayne movies they had dd scenes in them. DD has been around for generations. In the 50s it was commonplace for a husband to spank a wife if she was out of line. Spanking is not abuse. DD head of houses do not spank out of anger, but cool down first. They do not punch, slap or hurt their spouses in anyway accept on their bottoms. Yes, non corporal punishment is often applied as well. But remember- the wife WANTS this in her life.

5. There are many women who are truly being abused out there. They are being punched, kicked, bitten, stabbed etc. THESE are the woman who need help. They are not asking their husband "Please punch me in the stomach." We ask our husband "Please spank me, Sir."

6. It is none of your damn business. Brinlee and Parker have been open to their family and their friends about their relationship. If someone thought that Parker was abusing Brinlee they would have already called the police. There are plenty of people around on a daily basis who KNOW of the couples love for each other, and the way they choose to run their marriage who could have gotten them the so called "help" they needed if they thought she was being abused.

7. In a country as free as America where any religion can practice, any sexual orientation can live knowing the law protects them against hate crimes, all races and ethnicities dwell together in the same melting pot, the lifestyle preferences between two grown adults should be protected. Whether it be dd, master/slave, or any other type of BDSM. They arent hurting you, he isnt hurting her, so get over your self righteous judgmental high horses (and not everyone is a Christian who believes this by the way!!) and do something more productive with your lives- if you must interfere find a child or a woman who is really being abused and help them. Volunteer your abundant time on the internet with CASA.

My husband and I are in the same exact relationship as Brinlee and Parker. We have been practicing DD for seven years. We have an open, honest, and amazing relationship full of love and respect. We have better communication then many of the other couples that are around us. He has absolutely never abused me, has my consent. This relationship may not work for everyone but instead of being condescending, judgmental and obnoxious how about finding something better to do with your time? Your hate and your disgust will not change our minds on the beauty and love that exists between couples in a domestic discipline relationship. It is closed minded ignorance like yours, spewing about things you dont know about, that make many of us feel we need to hide such a beautiful thing in our lives. There is nothing wrong with our desires, our needs and our commitment to each other.

Brinlee- ignore the haters. We are here for you and support you and Parker in your choices and your lifestyle.

No, I do not spank my husband. In our relationship there is ONE head of the house and he has control. Just like a child does not spank a parent. A teacher does not get a dention from a student. A cop does not get a ticket from a civilian. Authority enforces the rules.

We have to hide it because unforunately, people like you misjudge and are hateful. We hate to hide it in our life specifically because the Army has a zero tolerance policy to any "alternative" lifestyle be it bdsm, homesexual, poly or whatnot. My husband could, as ridiculous as it is, get into trouble for something I brought into our marriage, I introduced him to, I desire and need, and I want.

We are consenting adults living our lives the way we wish. Why cant you just leave us alone?


Elysia said...

Jess, very well said! -Elysia

BabyMan said...

A job well done. It is clear from the way that you've engaged this situation that you are an intelligent, thoughtful, compassionate, considerate and INDEPENDENT woman who is capable of makings decisions that are most beneficial for a happy life. Kudos to you! Thanks for getting involved and hanging it out there! You're an angel.

Parker & Brinlee said...

You're a great friend Jess, thank you.


Galwaygiirl said...

Hi Jess, Great post, I dont even know Parker and Brinlee ( yet ) but I was sickened by what I was reading. Some people can be so very cruel. Sounds like you are a great friend to them. Im thinking maybe we know each other??

OliveMama said...

All judgement aside, if you or others think this topic is no one else's business and don't want to hear what anyone has to say, perhaps you shouldn't blog about it, or at the very least, put restrictions on your site.

SugarAnne said...

Jess, we're all so proud of you. Hopefully people who want to spew their insults will eventually realize that we will not go away, shrink in fear, or roll over and die because they don't approve. It's interesting that some believe that simply because we blog, we're interested in entertaining their moral indignation. My parents taught me better than to insert my opinions where they're not desired or appreciated. I guess some people just didn't teach their children any better.


Weave77 said...

I just the posts in the first link and posted this message (though I don't know if the moderator will display is lol).

Well... this is interesting.

One thing that I have never understood is how people can completely condemn something they know little to NOTHING about. It reminds me of the "Harry Potter is the devil" comments that used to inundate the Christian web... it is precisely this absolute quickness to judge that has turned away so many a lost soul from the Church.

Sometimes, something (like this) makes me utterly ashamed of my fellow body of Christ. The readers of this blog, without so much as a second thought, completely condemned Brinlee and Spanked Army Wife as sick, abused half-Christians; even if they were completely wrong, do you think that be told so in such a manner puts them in a mind-frame for them to "see the truth"? No- blind criticism without a ounce of empathy or an attempt to understand the their viewpoint leads only to defensiveness. Hopefully you don't try to win unbelievers by blaring out their sins and announcing how wrong they are- you have to show Christ through example, loving compassion, and even, respectful dialogue (threats to delete someone from the blog doesn't fall in that category).

And this isn't a black and white an issue as some here are making it out to be- I believe the Bible doesn't actually address this issue one way or another. Naturally, one could make the argument that this is not a natural lifestyle, and that it is rooted in physical/mental abuse- everyone is entitled to their opinion. But, from researching about it on these ladies blogs and other Christian domestic discipline sites, it doesn't sound to me that they are abused or in a heathen lifestyle... it actually sounds like they quite love the Lord and are very happy. Quite honestly, while it sounds old fashioned, domestic discipline, carried out the the loving manner that these ladies outline, strikes me as something that reinforce traditional gender roles in a relationship, while maintaining a spark of passion, complete intimacy, supreme trust, and utter love.

I just recently read that, in America, divorce rates are higher among Christians than non-Christians.... maybe "old-fashioned" is something that we desperately need to comeback in style.

Basha said...

It's like anything else, ignorant people come up with things to find wrong with subjects they know nothing about.
I am not in a DD marriage as my husband is just not that way. Whether I could be in one... I am not really sure. I have certainly read about it and thought about it.
As far as the Christian aspect of it, I know nothing about that since I am Jewish. I guess my point is that you have to realize is that you're entitled to live your life the way you choose. If you are in a situation which you control, then it's nobody's business to intervene and/or express their negative opinion. I don't think people realize that a true DD relationship is the choice of BOTH parties involved.
Also understand that if you blog about something, you are subject to ignorant people spewing their BS. I am not blaming the blogger at all. People are far more likely to express negative opinions on the Internet than they would be to your face.
I hope this makes sense. Take the comments that are useful to you and ignore the rest.

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