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Monday, August 30, 2010


I am a grumpy grumpy bear today. I had to go to the doctor. See, about two weeks ago I was cleaning my ear with a q tip when my female German Shepherd jumped up on me, pushing it into my ear. Ive had pain for the last two weeks, along with bleeding and finally a fever. I went to the doctor today after Matthew pretty much told me there would be no excuses for not going (did I mention he wasn't at all happy about the fact that I waited two weeks to tell him about it) My primary care made me go see an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist. Its nothing too serious, just have to take a strong dose of antibiotics and come back in a week. I also did a semi physical at the doctors office today. Have to go in tomorrow to get blood work done to test my thyroid, cholesterol and blood sugar levels :( No fun!

In addition communication has really sucked recently in Afghanistan. I know I am not being ignored or mistreated and its not his fault at all but it is still extremely frustrating.I cant call and talk to him when I want, I cant even text him. It stinks a lot! I miss my husband and I want him home. I know he is there fighting for the greater good and I love him dearly for that. I'm just having a selfish moment here.

I don't know what has gotten into me anymore but I'm having such a rebellious streak. I know the right things to do but I am having such an issue doing them. I know I need to take care of myself but I find no motivation in doing it. I thought getting another job would help. It would keep me busy and I wouldnt have to think. But really I am thinking. I am thinking way too much and Im just feeling... lost


Elysia said...

Jess, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so down. I have felt this way recently, but for different reasons. Sometimes technology is great, but when it fails it's terribly frustrating. It must be hard to have positive thoughts when everything seems to be working against you. What helps me is to write to my husband when he's too busy for me and I feel like I really need him. I also try to read the blogs/post that are positive and help me stay in the right frame of mind. I hope that you can be in touch with Matthew soon, but until then I hope you can find something to help with that *lost* feeling.

nicole said...

I am really sorry you are feeling so down. My husband was in the army til he was 24 years old (hes 28 now) then he got an honerable discharge and thats when he and I reconnected. But I think you are a lot stronger than I would have been had I been with him during that time. Because just the thought of it now makes me cry to think how little I would be seeing and feeling him hold me in his big strong arms. You do have a support system even if you don't know it yet. I am only 27 and I don't know your age but if you still need an ear even if you don't know me then I am a good listener. I agree, maybe keep yourself busy but don't overdo yourself. You have to take care of yourself too.

And I understand about bloodwork being hated to be done. I have the biggest needle phobia. I will not go to the doc unless I am so sick I can barely move. And I have even walked out of an appt because they said would have to do bloodwork. The last time I actually didn't fight a needle was when I was pregnant almost 2 years ago. That was because I had to think about my pregnancy and unborn child but it was so hard. Hope your fear isn't as bad as mine and hope you start feeling better soon.

If you have facebook and would like to message me then my email for that is: angel_nc82@hotmail.com. And my regular Gmail should be here if you ever want to email me. Take care.

R and S said...

I get this way when I feel ignored and in need of attention. Not that he is ignoring on purpose, and not that you want to really buck authority on purpose....I think it's a natural reaction when we are missing that closeness and care that we need and crave.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry this is such a rough time for you. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through having Matthew gone for son long. I think finding something to keep your mind occupied is great being another job, a new hobby, exercise, or whatever. I hope you can communicate w/ him soon.

I am always the LAST one to go to the doctor. I hate doctors offices and the waiting, and everything else that goes w/ it. Think of it this way, better to keep up w/ yourself so that as soon as Matthew returns you will be in the best health you have been in your life. He will love you for that. Also, find other little ways to create surprises for when he gets home, ways to rearrange or redecorate part of the house, new recipes, cake decoratiang, exercise and have an awesome body waiting, new hobbies --I love scrapbooking, complete some scrapbooks to show him when he returns, just find something new that interests you. Maybe this will give you purpose and momentum over the next few months.

Recently, JJ went away all across the country to visit his dad for his 80th birthday. I was all for him going, but it was during our 27th anniversary and he had been planning a trip special trip for the two of us. I was heartbroken, but wanted him to go. While he was gone, I remembered something he liked and I decided to decorate our bedroom with that theme. He came home and was soooo surprised! It took my mind off being apart, and allowed me to think of him all the while having purpose and a mission. It really helped, and while it was only a short time that JJ was gone, I think if you take on several "new" tasks, maybe that would help. Also, keep up with your writing!

Lots of hugs,


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