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Sunday, August 22, 2010

Just desserts...

Sometimes I absolutely hate the internet in Afghanistan. It makes speaking with Matthew so difficult. I am being disciplined for not taking care of myself- specifically my eating and my sleeping habits. So Matthew had implemented a two weeks of a bedtime of 10pm. Last week I had a dinner planned for Saturday night with several girlfriends whose husbands are also deployed to be held at our house.  Matthew graciously allowed me to stay up later that night because I had a great week and he was proud of me. I had discussed with him this Saturday (yesterdays) dinner- Saturday night dinners are a tradition for the five of us whose husbands are in the same unit- and I had completely misunderstood. He was implying that if I had a good week I could stay later (we normally hang out until about Midnight or so) but if not I had to be in bed by 10.

Well, this week was a hard one for me. I had no problem with the bedtime because I have started a new job that required me waking at 4am. The problem came with meals. I had a horrible time trying to get the energy up to feed myself properly. The desire to cook is just NOT there. So he has given me a week of no desserts, snacks or sweets but instead well balanced, home cooked meals. To start today. My menu plan goes to him and gets approved weekly. I have it in by Friday and he has it back to me by Sunday. I do it a week out so he has time to access and approve.

I told a girlfriend of mine about dd as we shopped yesterday. I trust her completely. She is also a police officer. She wasn’t shocked, she said we have a very 50’s lifestyle, and in fact she thought it was awesome! TTWD is not for everyone but she was extremely supportive. She didn’t see it as abusive or anything!! In fact she completely disagrees with the laws on domestic violence including and dd, or bdsm, or any mutual consenting physical etc. We spoke about the recent drama in the blog-sphere and she was disgusted by the reactions of the so called Christians and the way they reacted and actually was on our side!  I was so relieved. I really can’t talk to her about everything of course, but her just knowing our dynamic was very relieving to me.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I went shopping and I told her about the no dessert rule to start today. She said, that meant we should have extra dessert so that I wouldn’t miss it as much. What a great plan! So we had dessert with lunch (lemon cake), ice cream in-between shopping (Pinkberry) and at dinner we had a brownie with ice cream. It was yummy. But, when Matthew got online last night and I wasn’t home he wasn’t too pleased. Apparently I misunderstood and I was supposed to be home at 10. This last week I wasn’t as good as the week before and hadn’t earned staying late at my friends.

Here lies the problem- I was confused because it wasn’t clear. In addition I rode with my girlfriend and had no way to get home. He was on yahoo messenger which is set to my phone. He was not happy at all. He said I should have planned better and if I was confused that I should have asked and had it clarified. Of course, I told him it was his fault I was confused. He told me I had better read my chat logs again. Sigh. And there it was clear as day “If you are good I will think about it” I guess I should have asked.

He told me if he was in country he would have picked me up, lectured me on the way home and paddled my butt when we got home. Since he is not home he will come up with an appropriate punishment. He asked me what we ate and I told him about the three desserts. He seems to think that it broke one of our expectations: responsibility. In addition, he thinks I was taking advantage of the fact that he allowed the no dessert week to start Sunday. I really disappointed him L That makes me really sad.

He also told me he found it a bit comical. I haven’t been bratty in years, and in a way he misses some of that, and the three desserts was simply put- bratty. I know if he was here he wouldn’t have been overly distressed over the desserts. Missing my curfew, that’s another situation all together.

When hes home its disciplined and over within a good time frame. I always feel forgiven and cherished after. When hes deployed the drawn out time is such a pain in the butt! I hate it! I just want to get it over and have a clean slate. Sad.

Matthew said that my girlfriend is going to be trouble, but in a good way. He really likes her and at first was hesitant that I told her since she is a cop. I reminded him that I too was a cop. Albeit in the Army Reserves as an MP. He trusts her though so that’s good. With everything that has happened in the blog sphere lately it’s a good thing that he does J

I guess I am off the hook for having an abusive asshole husband because he is gone. (The haters who recently attacked my friends blog called her husband an abusive asshole.) Thus any discipline he dishes out from thousands of miles away I have to clearly consent too because I am the one following through on it. 


Naomi said...

I'm an army wife too. Luckily, due to a shoulder injury on his part, I have yet to go through a deployment. I can't imagine it! Oh man. That is SO going to suck. =(

I'm glad I found your blog. Sometimes I feel alone too.


Rich said...

I have some experience with long-distance D/s, although not with a military deployment. It is difficult in any D/s relationship to get the communication right all the time. But, we did find that having my submissive write down what I told her to do eliminated a lot of problems. I gave her a simple rule that she had to write down what I told her to do.

I would also respectfully suggest that controlling someone else's diet is problematic. I have had subs ask for this. For them, I did not set specifics about what foods to eat, but I did require them to give me accurate information about what they were doing and worked on things that would support their own efforts. For example, I would not allow them to have my food, and I required them to not keep food hidden. I would suggest working with your husband to re-evaluate this.

Good luck to both of you.

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