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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Feminism vs. DD

My husband thinks that I have been getting a little mouthy and stubborn lately. He wants me to try to blog more because journaling has always helped me to really keep myself centered. I really do enjoy writing. I guess he has a point :) Darn him for being so smart!


I tried explaining to a group of vanilla friends that DH is HOH of our house. You would think being Army and all acronyms would be part of our normal life. The concept was foreign to them. I tried expressing it in my vanilla blog without using the words discipling, spanking, etc. I don't understand how being submissive to your husband is the same as being anti women's rights. Due to his relationship and the intimacy of our lifestyle choices they are unaware of the dd aspects. It is sad that in America with all the preaching of open-mindednessness that TTWD is still not accepted. I think it is a bit backwards that we are accepting of all the new age mumble jumble but not of the traditional values that once was the norm in our great nation.


My view on feminism is: Feminist gave women the right of choice. They can choose to work OR they can choose to stay home. They can choose to be submissive OR choose to be dominant. The point of feminism wasn't to pressure all women into working in corporate jobs. It was to allow women the rights to decide what they wanted to do. Instead, if you are a stay at home wife you are "undoing" what the original feminist worked for. That is crap. I still have the right to vote. I still have the right to decide what to do with my life, where to go to school, where to work, what position I am willing to take.


Ive worked in high profile jobs in management or supervisor positions before. Heck, I am a former soldier for goodness sakes.


Right now I work from home. I still make an income and it is a job I love. I take care of all my husband's needs, both when he is here and when he is away. He is the head of our house, he makes all the final decisions. The thing is, he takes my opinions and thoughts into consideration, we discuss everything, we have open communication. He is not a dictator but he is HOH.


We have the old fashioned gender roles, the 1950's ran household. I do the "women" chores. I cook, I clean, I organize. I take care of the inside of the house. He does the "man" chores when he is not deployed. The garbage, yard work, fixing things etc. When he is gone I have to do them or pay someone to do them. I really do not have a green thumb at all. Am I capable of mowing, taking out the trash, raking etc? Yes. And when is he in Afghanistan for a year (like now) I do it all, and do it all well. It is not about whether or not I can do it, it is about the negotiations we have made in our marriage that makes it run well. 


Do I think that women can do everything a man can do outside of pure physical differences? Yes. Do I think women should do everything a man does? No. I think we were created differently. Physically, emotionally and mentally. Those differences should be celebrated not frowned on. My husband is physically stronger than me. It is easier for him to move the furniture around then it is for me. It is quicker if he does it. So I call it man work and I have him do it. Does this make me sexist? I don't care if it does. It is the way I am and I refuse to apologize for it.


For us, even with a domestic discipline relationship, I am in charge of the finances. This would be foreign to many in the dd realm. He is gone for long periods of a time, up to a year or 15 months, and even when he is home he is often gone away for weeks and months. I pay our bills and keep track of our finances because of access. I have access to the internet, I have access to the bills, stamps, mail, checks. It would be too difficult in the middle of a battle to remember rent is due today. Sometimes, with where he is and what he is doing, he doesnt know the day of the week let alone the date. When he is on a mission for days at a time, and the days start running together, and hes not eating well or sleeping well and hes being shot at, he cant stop and think about electricity, he cant think about whether or not he paid the phone bill.


So, I am in charge of finances. I pay all our bills, every time, on time.  I keep the car insurance up to date, our stickers renewed, the rent paid, the groceries in the house. I make sure we are budgeted. There is discipline if I dont, however, that has never been an issue. I take finances very seriously. He and I discuss any purchases made that are over so much. 


My husband is the head of our house. He has veto power. He makes all the final decisions. But, I am not a doormat, abused or anything of that matter. He is not controlling but he is in control. He is not an abusive asshole. He is respectful and loving. We discuss everything together, he takes my opinion into consideration and often gives in to my way or line of thinking, but in the end he gets the final say, and I submit to that. He has to live with the decisions of his final say, so if they turn out badly it is natural consequences.


My husband spanks/disciplines me when I disobey him or break one of our behavioral expectations. I consent to this. It was my idea to live this lifestyle! He did NOT force me into it, manipulate or control me into thinking it was the right or only way. I introduced HIM to it. So when he is home I may find myself over his knee for a spanking or bent over the kitchen counter, or standing in the corner with a red behind. When he is gone I may be in that same corner for an extended period of time, or writing the same sentence a hundred times, or unable to eat chocolate for a week, or going to bed early for back talking. The list goes on and on. Its structure, routine, safety to me. I choose this lifestyle, I want it, I need it and it is ours.


It may be anti feminist or sexist or whatever. But it works for us. That is all that matters. It works for us, I consent, I am not abused, and I would not want it any other way. If you dont like it, too bad, we arent changing for anyone. If it is not broken, why fix it?



Saturday, January 29, 2011

Long Distance DD?

Anyone have any suggestions for long distance discipline?

Going to make a list below. Anything with an * denotes a comment or an email that has been sent to me that we have not used or tried before. May or may not try it in the future. Anything without is probably something we've used before.

Things that can be done on webcam
Corner Time
Corner Time w/twist* (kneeling on rice, holding penny to wall, kneeling etc)
Sitting on warm/hot pad*
Soap/hot sauce etc in mouth
Jumping Jacks, push ups etc*
ginger/figging*
butt plug*

Other things:
Restrictions: shopping, foods etc
Early bedtime
Grounding
Themed based essay typed
themed based essay hand written
Writing lines
Allowance restrictions
Taking away time with him*
Extra chores
Self Spanking*

Update

Hey everyone!
I hope everyone has been ok in blog world. I thought Id throw an update on here.  Dh and I are doing well. Weve been trying to incorporate DD from Afghanistan and it has been a bit of a challenge. I let things go pretty badly here as far as my behavior went. I keep everything running smoothly; the house, the pets, my job, etc but my behavior has been out of line. I realize that I should want to obey but somehow with him so far away and not getting to communicate daily I’ve really let things fall. I hate that he has to lecture or spend the precious time we do have discipline me so I have been working hard on being the woman and the wife that I know he, and I both, need me to be.
I had been staying up until two or three in the morning most nights and still getting up at six or seven. I became so exhausted that I was crabby on the phone with him, getting sick a lot, and falling behind on things. So he instituted a bedtime. The bedtime is one thing for work nights and another for weekends. I can only stay up later if its approved in advance. I can shoot him an email and ask him to approve it but if he doesn’t get around to or cant have access to internet than I have to use the original bedtime.
In addition we had stopped the schedules and the food plans because they weren’t working. They just were too hard to follow with lack of communication. Things come up, changes have to be made and I cant get a hold of him to get them approved. So hes trusted me in making my own routines unless things start falling apart again.
I have had to stand in the corner and record it on webcam to send him, had to have soap in my mouth on cam with him, gone to bed early, been grounded, hand write essays etc. He is pretty creative in discipline from afar. Such as not letting me have chocolate for x amount of time! You never want that when you are PMSing!!
I have been working on my diet and exercise. I have lost about 15lbs in 6 weeks. Not too shabby.
Anyway, thought Id send an update.  Havent blogged on here in awhile.