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Friday, June 17, 2011


I wrote this on a couple spanko sites I was on.

I have been thinking a lot about spanking lately and wanted to write something up about my thoughts. Bear with me, no pun intended, as I get these thoughts out. Spanking to me is intimate. I believe there should be a connection of some sort between the spanker and the spankee.

As for implements: generally the spanker chooses the implements for discipline, but we can both have a say in the erotic. I’ve been spanked hundreds of times in the past twelve years and there have really only been three I have felt the next day. One was with a hand, which surprised the heck out of me, and two were with wood (one was a multi implement spanking and one was a cane). I can say wholeheartedly that I hate wooden implements. I’ve never enjoyed being spanked by a hairbrush, bath brush, paddle, spoon, or cane, ever. I don’t find these to be erotic or playful or in any way fun. Leather can turn me on or discipline me depending on how it is used. I have an entire box of implements and each one has a different meaning in my head.

In a relationship I prefer that the man have a leadership role. Not a demanding, micromanaging role, but the head of the household, make the final decision, but ask my opinion in it, role. I like there to be a behavioral expectation, not necessarily a laundry list of rules, although a few may be needed from time to time. I think of a domestic discipline relationship like a vanilla relationship, except, one person is the leader and administers discipline to the other. The discipline is to motivate their partner to be the best woman she can be, to better their relationship and I believe that it increases communication and trust in a relationship. I really like having three types of spankings in a relationships; erotic, maintenance and discipline. I will say I also think that there are play spankings but I am writing about my thoughts on spanking inside of a relationship.

Erotic spankings are fun, playful and usually sexual in nature. There is not an offense to correct or a behavior to address. I enjoy erotic spankings, there is the connection between the spankee and spanker. For me these spankings are normally flesh on flesh, or leather on flesh. There is rubbing, touching, fingering between swats, are playful and fun. I love erotic spankings. Hand, leather, and other toys can be used during erotic spankings, but never wood. Sex can and often will occur after these type of spankings. These spankings are often in play, chasing around the house, play wrestling that ends in a spanking, etc.

Maintenance spankings are like oil changes for the bum. Often times I can go large periods of times between needing a discipline spanking. Maintenance serves several purposes. First, it reinstates the gender roles and relationship roles that have been set up. It helps me mentally remember he is in charge and makes the final decisions, I belong to him, and I defer to him for guidance. Second, it helps me remember that there are consequences for actions and reminds me that my behavior needs to represent the strong, amazing woman that I am and that my actions represent him as well. Maintenance also often serves as a stress release. Maintenance is decided by the spanker. How often it is needed, and how it is enforced is his decision. Because it is not addressing a specific issue, it can lead to sex sometimes. Maintenance may or may not bring tears, the setting and atmosphere is often dictated by what is going on in the lives of the participants at the time. I wouldn’t say I enjoy maintenance but I do like them, it is a secure issue and I feel secure and taken care of when I am regularly being spanked. In previous relationships it had been either weekly or bimonthly scheduled. It was extremely helpful in maintaining the relationship and my attitude/mindset. I balk at the idea when I hear it but when I see it implemented it helps.

Discipline spankings. I actually do not enjoy discipline. I am not the type of person who will brat or be bad just to get a spanking. If I want a spanking for whatever reason I will ask for one. Discipline to me is a serious matter. It means I did something I should have not done and I am going to be corrected for it. I need discipline for a variety of reasons. The first reason is because I harbor a lot of self guilt. It is very hard for me to let go of things, especially if I have behaved in a manner that is below me or my expectations, have done something to disappoint those I care about, or simply put myself, others or my relationship in danger.

Discipline spankings help me release the guilt I am feeling. In addition, they show forgiveness from my partner. After a discipline spanking, the offense is put behind us and we move on, clean slate. Discipline spankings keep me accountable. Knowing that there are consequences for my behavior, beyond the normal natural consequences, inspires me to act in the best way I possibly can, it helps me slow down and think before I act, which I have major issues doing sometimes. Discipline spanking keeps me challenged to be the best person I can be. It is very important to me that there is some form of flesh on flesh action during discipline spankings. It is the intimacy and personal touch that I need to get the emotional connection off the bat, that is why warm ups are so important to me. I need to know why I am getting spanked… that is also vastly important to me. I go through a ton of emotions when I am going through a discipline spanking. Anger, stubbornness to begin with. Then the submission, the acceptance and the remorse come to play. It’s important that the person that is disciplining me understands the phases and doesn’t stop before it occurs. How much it takes depends on the mindset going in, the implements, force, etc, those things are out of my control and my hands. Which is why it makes the spanking so effective. The pain of the spanking as well as the submission of the positions is both extremely important to me. While other discipline is used and I respect it and it works, the spanking is what really helps me get past things, the pain and the submission, the lack of control, jolts something inside of me. 

I need discipline, I crave it. I need knowing I will be held accountable, that someone cares enough to want the best out of me and for me. It is a non negotiable.


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