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Wednesday, August 17, 2011

What a roller coaster ride

This last week has been. I have been at the hospital every day for lab work and we were hospitalized over night Friday.

They have been monitoring my hcg levels closely. They went from 104 to 154. Again, they did not double. Simply halved.

Then, they went from 154 to 459. In two days.

Random jump.

Our doctor and team of physicians have been monitoring me. They believe that the pregnancy is an ectopic, but with the levels below a thousand they cant visibly confirm that. The blood tests I had earlier in the week showed internal bleeding. Although the hospital I use is a Catholic one (I dont use military hospitals) and is completely pro life my doctor started to encourage taking the abortion pill. This I couldnt do. In fact because of his constant pressuring for me to go to Planned Parenthood I complained to patient advocacy and switched teams.

My new OB is amazing. She is very knowledgeable and constantly tells me that our bodies do things that medical science cant explain. She has seen people with bad/low hcg numbers deliver healthy babies and people with high numbers miscarry. She puts less stock in the numbers and more stock in the body.

The team does still worry we are having an ectopic. Three days after deciding I was bleeding internally (blood cell count, blood pressure and a few other indicators) but it has stopped.

They wanted to go ahead and do an injection to end the pregnancy. Ectopics can be life threatening if not taken care of fast enough. But with the bleeding stopped and no visible evidence my new OB gave me the decision.

We have decided to wait and let nature run its course. Meaning, if it gets bad or there is proof it is an ectopic we will readdress the issue. until then though I am letting whatever happens happened. the hcg did quadruple. My OB told me that we could also be off by a week in the actually dating of the pregnancy. I am not willing to give up yet.

We head out on vacation on Saturday. I know, weird time to take a vacation. My husband just returned from Afghanistan and we had planned a ten day trip to Florida. The trip and airline tickets are nonrefundabe/transferable. We were going to cancel but the doctors told us to go. I have a list of restrictions, local hospital/ob names/referrals and a game plan in place if anything happens. My OB actually says it will be better for us then sitting around and dwelling.

After all, Disney is supposed to be the most magical place on Earth. We could use a little magic right now.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Not good news

I havent written anything in awhile... we are going through a lot. I started clomid before he came home. I became pregnant on the 21st. This is our fifth pregnancy. We have had a still birth and four D&Cs after missed miscarriages after 11 weeks and cardiac activity. No reason. Every medical test you can think ran on us.

We were excited. Im in the best shape of my life right now and we really thought this would be the one... but weve been told the pregnancy is nonviable.

Our first HCG was last Friday. It was 36.
Our second was Monday. It was 83
Our third was today. It was 104.

The doctor says its inevitable that we will lose this pregnancy like we have the previous four. When is the question. Whether it will be after the baby advances to have a heart beat, or before, we do not know. We have never had a miscarriage that was the normal, bleeding. We have always heard the heartbeat, seen the baby and then no explainable reason it stops and the baby just dies. We have even had "tissue" and "chromosome" studies after the babies have died.

I cant express the devastation, heartbreak, or pain of  knowing you are pregnant and you are carrying around a child who is dying inside of you and being completely helpless to do anything about it.