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Friday, December 16, 2011

Totally Random Updates

When we were in the hospital last week and found out about the loss of the twin we also found out that I have a subchoronic hemorrhage. From what my OB has told me and my own research, this blood clot is rather common and will either go away on its own or will cause a miscarriage, early preterm labor or other complications if it grows or doesn’t go away. I would do anything to not have any more complications! For the most part she put me on bed rest, limited walking, and no exercising or lifting, no sex, no baths.  (Shhh don’t tell Matthew but I think I miss my warm baths more than the sex haha). I have been trying really hard not to worry about it.

I recently went back to college after a seven year break. I had finals the week we found out we lost our twin. I thought I was doing fairly well. I knew I had three A's out of five but was waiting on two other grades. One of them I was so angry with, although, it was my fault for not paying attention to detail. The class a 400 level one, consisted of one paper and two test. I received a B on the first test, I had doubted myself and gone back and changed a few answers and an A on the final. I have NEVER gotten less than an A on any paper in my entire life. Well, I got my paper back and it was an 80%!! I was shocked. The prof said that the content was impeccable and it was well written, however, since my font type and size was wrong he had to deduct one entire page. It was a five page paper. Each page was worth 20%. I have an Apple and when I use word it automatically types it in cambria. Well, I have this same prof in another class (another 400 level) where we had eight papers to turn in. I received a 100 on all eight papers, and a 101% (attendance was 1% extra credit if we didn't miss a day) overall in his class. I turned in several papers to him in cambria. In this specific class he wanted times new roman with a 12 point font. Since I turned it in with cambria and it was exactly five pages he couldnt guarantee I would make the page cutoff and thus deducted an entire page from my grade! I was so upset. I couldn't believe he was so picky in one class and not at all in the other!! Anyway, I ended up with a B. 

I received my grades today and had four A's and 1 B. My overall GPA is a 3.8 I also made the dean's list. I guess I can be satisfied with that.

Matthew was gone for the last week so Ive been on bed rest, alone, with two big dogs in a three story house… with no dog food or groceries. Well I had to go get dog food (I cant believe we didn’t check that before he left) and I had enough groceries for breakfast and lunch, but ordered delivery for dinner. I ordered enough for a couple days each time so it ended up only being three times that I had to order delivery. Funny story, he’s home now, flew in late last night, had today off and we still don’t have groceries. We had Mexican (even though Im Italian and he’s Irish I swear we are having a Mexican- Chinese baby. If we are what we eat…) for dinner last night and today for lunch he asked what I wanted and was shocked when I said McDonalds.

I haven’t had McDonalds in well… years. I lost 75lbs last year and I had cut all fast food out of my diet. But yesterday while waiting for him this guy was eating McDonalds fries and needless to say the smell stuck with me. So, we got McDonalds. Don’t worry I ordered apples too! He had to run into work to do some paperwork but I know we are getting groceries tomorrow. Tonight we are going on a date night. The doctor mainly wanted me to stay off my feet and I convinced Matthew that there isn’t much difference in sitting at a table at home for dinner and sitting at one out, or sitting on the couch and sitting in a chair watching a movie. Really Ive been stir crazy sitting in my house for a week and I refuse to ask for help and because of that I couldn’t do anything about the build up of dog hair, dust, dirty clothes etc so I didn’t have anyone over. Been rather lonely. Im feeling up for it and promised him if I didn’t I would let him know.

I am so paranoid about our appointment on Monday. Four out of our six miscarriages we found out at the ten week appointment that the baby had slowed growth, the heart rate was too low to sustain and we were going to miscarry... which always happened, normally within three weeks, and once sixteen weeks later! With all of my previous miscarriages the hcg wasn’t doubling right and this time it did, and with all of them the h/r was always low to begin with but this one was 167 at 8 weeks. So, Im hoping since this one has been radically different everything is going to be ok. But, with the subchoronic and the loss last week and my history Im very scared. To be honest I don’t think I can handle another miscarriage. I already feel like I’ve bonded and grown to love this baby so much and it would devastate me, Im not sure I could recover again... or I would want to. I’ve been doing a really good job not thinking about it and being calm and peaceful but every now and again the fear pokes in.

So, that’s about where I am right now. I had a crazy dream last night that included spanking… I think Ill blog about that separately. I’m sure it will get a laugh or two. I know I giggled this morning.


Susie said...

We will keep all three of you in our prayers as this baby continues to grow. I told my husband about you last week and he got rather choked up and has been asking, so thanks for the update. Hold onto those peaceful thoughts!

Sexperts said...

I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your twin, and your past losses. I'm sure that must be so hard for you.

Do the doctors have any idea why you keep miscarrying and the babies aren't developing well?

Learning To Iron said...

Just letting you know I prayed for you and your baby just now. You'll get to meet all of those dear children in heaven. I hope you can carry this one to term.

MagnusCattus said...

Still sending good thoughts your way!

Anonymous said...

Oh Jessica, of course you're scared! Congratulations on making the Dean's list! And I'm glad your hubby is home again. I can't wait to hear about the dream. Dreams are funny things, anything can happen in a dream. lol I continue to pray for little bean!

Spanked Army Wife said...

Thank you all for your prayers and kind thoughts.

They have absolutely no idea why weve miscarried. We have had every test known to man performed on us, to included chromosome and dna analysis. Ive had dye test looking at my insides, hormone test, uterus and tube test, lining test, every blood test you can think of. They literally ran out of fertility test so they tested everything else- thyroid, metabolism, blood counts, blood sugars, and a huge gambit of diseases and cancers. Nothing.

And every time we miscarry the tissue goes and gets tested. Every baby was healthy. Theyve never been able to find a single thing wrong with any of them.

My cervix remains closed. I never bleed. The sac and everything around it is always normal. We have had to have surgery with every single one.

The not knowing is one of the hardest parts.

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