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Wednesday, June 27, 2012


My blog was outed a bit ago so I need to go through and make it a bit more anonymous.

We're doing great. Little man is due next week. I might need to start a new blog. If that is the case Ill post a link on here for a short time.

Its been a bit chaotic. The posting about the pregnancy gave away too much of our identity.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Life Has Been CRAZY

Our little man with a smile on his face.

Hi everyone!
Matthew reminded me that I hadn't blogged in awhile and I realized I hadn't either. He's been pretty funny lately awaiting our little guy. He jokes about putting together a checklist of reasons to spank me- just because. Sometimes he walks by and swats my butt with a chuckle. We are 26 weeks pregnant now with our little man. He is frank breech and we've been begging him to turn. We get regular ultrasounds and Ive had preterm labor now three times :/ Lots of time in the hospital. Im finishing up this semester at the end of the month and then taking a couple off while we finish preparing for him.

Toes in front of his face.

Frank breech means that he is holding his legs up above his head and his butt is down. He has been this way our entire pregnancy as far as we know. Because of my medication a regular c-section is out of the question. So I either have to do a vaginal birth(which I want) and I can't have an epidural either due to the meds or I have to be fully put under and Matthew wouldnt be allowed in the room when he's born. We will do whatever is healthiest for him but Id prefer to have as natural of a birth as possible. The other issue is that because of how he is they cant exactly turn him manually and we arent too keen on that idea. Im just happy everything else looks so good right now! The cyst in his brain has gone away completely. After as many devastating losses as we have had...

Ive been so stressed the last couple of weeks. Last week was the 9th anniversary of my moms death, midterms and Matthew left for the field. He wont be back for a couple weeks. Our furthest pregnancy resulted in the stillbirth of our little boy at 26 weeks and Im 26 weeks now. I went to bed one night and woke up in the hospital. I had hemorrhaged, lost a ton of blood and our son was born asleep. Needless to say right now Im a bit paranoid. Im hopefully, believing in the power of prayer, and overly reliant on the heart doppler Matthew bought me.

I'm so stressed out that I got a B on one of my midterms :( I never get B's. My professor assured me that I could still get an A in his class but it really bothered me. Im trying to destress and would love any suggestions anyone might have in that area. Man Id love a good old fashioned spanking right now because in the past when Ive gotten extremely stressed Ive just had to ask and it released so much in me.

Being as high risk as we are Matthew is scared to spank me and well it would freak me out too. He swats now and again gently but hes really been working on his lecture skills :/ Although Ive been so good (or so busy?!) that he hasnt had to really correct me at all.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Perfectly Healthy & a bit of DD

What a crazy last couple weeks. Obviously the cysts were a big issue on my brain. Today we had out follow up and baby is completely healthy! 15 oz and growing, kicking away and healed from the cysts. I am so excited!! Ive cried several times.

I had finals last week. I am taking condensed classes (entire 16 weeks in 7-8 weeks) and I took five classes during this eight weeks. We met five hours a class every week. So Ive been sitting my happy butt (sans spanking...) in a seat for twenty five hours a week, on top of working and growing a baby. I was pretty worried about  my science class but I managed to pull off a 4.0!!!! Yep :) I did!!

We haven't had a lot of dd action, a couple swats here and there and a major look once but mainly Ive been too busy to be bad! HOH's you should utilize that :) LOL. No really, the worst punishment in the last several weeks was when he took away my watermelon. Now, if you have never been pregnant you probably don't understand the cravings. My only craving has been watermelon. I've been buying the round seedless ones from Costco since the regular are out of season and the precut are so expensive! Anyway, I've been eating about half of one a day! My doctor said that is perfectly ok because its healthy and low calorie.

One night we were playing cards and he was annoying me, so I threw a piece of watermelon at him and he GASP took away my watermelon privileges!! It was super frustrating because not being able to have the watermelon was even worst than the craving. But I regained my watermelon privileges two days later. He is nothing if not resourceful.

There are other forms of punishment when spanking isnt available and being that he leaves for a year at a time we are no strangers to them. Corner time, writing lines, extra chores what not. But, really, like I said Ive been so busy lately that he hasnt had to use any. He has been complimenting me on how much Ive been able to do. Now that Im so far into second trimester (22 weeks) Ive had more energy and been able to cook/clean more. Doing full semesters in half the time which is a lot of work, writing my newspaper articles for my actual paying job, keeping up with the house...well it is exhausting.

And, I am way past the bratting to get attention phase of our dd marriage. I can say, I do miss the reconnection and the accountability spankings we had used prior to this pregnancy. He has given me a handful of swats about five times in the last eight weeks and Im surprised at how much those can hurt. Guess my butt is no longer accustom to it.

Our marriage is good though. We communicate very well, we enjoy spending time together. I'm just glad  we got over the hump we had before.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Checking In

Tomorrow I am hoping to have time to write a dd related post. I havent been writing much because we havent been doing a lot with dd lately, our dynamic is here, but there hasnt been the need for much discipline etc, we've been pretty vanilla lately and I didn't want to bore my readers.

We had our anatomy scan on Valentine's Day. We are having a little boy. He is two days ahead of schedule on development and he is very active in there. I love feeling his little movements. The subchoronic hemorrhage appears to be gone! The bad news was there is a cyst on his brain, which only occurs in 1% of all babies =( All we can do right now is wait and see and pray it goes away (it does in 98% of cases). It has been a really long journey. We've lost six babies, to include his twin, had the hemorrhage and now the cyst. We really just want a healthy baby. Isn't he just something? He keeps putting his foot on his face!

In other news, I made high honor roll for school last semester. I have finals next week and I am hoping to remain on the list. I'm also still working away. Everything comes to a stop in May when I will be on watch for the baby. I wont be taking summer classes or working. The doctor is really adamant about that. When we had our stillbirth at 26 weeks I almost died (I actually did and they brought me back) so we aren't taking the chances. My income goes more to paying off the few debts we have and play money so while it is not essential it may be hard to readjust.

Thursday, January 26, 2012


Well we had an ultrasound last week. It was pretty neat :) We saw babies heart chambers, brain and internal organs developing! It was a high speed ultrasound because I am the highest risk for pregnancy. They gave us an 80% accuracy rate that it is a little boy!! Matthew is in heaven! We will find out for sure on Valentines Day at our 19 1/2 week ultrasound. He is just like his daddy- stubborn! It was pretty funny. First he was laying with his hands behind his head and his feet propped up, (Matthew said this is perfect TV watching position), when she went to measure him he scrunched into a little ball. Then, when she said, "Let's check his gender" he did what he is doing in the picture, crossed his legs, grabbed his foot with his hand and brought it towards his mouth. He can't hear outside the womb yet but you would think he could with how he was responding to her vocal cues!

I have been so very sick lately, I think I picked it up at school. First both Matthew and I had a 24 hour horrid bug and now Ive got a really bad upper respiratory infection that kept me out of school for a few days.  I am playing make up with all my work from that AND from my job. Matthew hasn't complained but I have felt like an awful wife lately. I can barely keep up with the minimum housework (and he has been helping) but our house is nowhere where it was before I was pregnant and sick :( I feel like I am disappointing him. I only have the energy to cook good meals about twice a week for dinner and three of my classes are night classes, so he is on his own during those nights to prepare dinner. I used to prepare five-seven dinners a week. He has been so patient and supportive though! I can't complain.

I have been worried about baby all day. This illness hit me hard. It is still so hard to find the heart rate on the doppler, but I try! With all our second and third trimester miscarriages they have been missed- we have had a heart rate one week and next ultrasound the baby has just died. No explanation, cramping, bleeding etc. So, it is hard for me to just relax and go with it. I am trying so hard though! I go in Tuesday for a checkup- just to hear baby's heart rate and get some peace of mind. I am so glad I have such an amazing OB.

I've been having some crazy pregnant dreams, I think I might start writing more stories :) I love to write and it is a great outlet for me.

I hope all is well with you and yours!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

We are all alive

I am really sick right now. I have RSV, strep throat, an ear infection and I am absolutely exhausted with all my classes. Today and tomorrow I am on bedrest while the meds kick in. I plan on blogging some tomorrow. Thank you for the emails! We are doing good. We heard/saw baby last week and are pretty sure of the gender! I can't wait to share tomorrow!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Yep, it is a baby!

We had to go in yesterday and see the doc. We also got to see bean. Baby is just like his/her daddy! It looked like s/he was on a trampoline because suddenly s/he bounced in the air. The printer didnt work very well but while we were in there we got to see baby for quite a bit; bouncing, sucking thumb, and touching his/her face! Pretty cool :) We also heard the heartbeat, a resounding 167 beats per minute. We are 12 weeks 2 days along. Really hoping this is the one and babies six brothers and sisters are looking down from heaven.