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Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Back in the grind

Does it ever feel like this thing we do comes in waves? We are at the end of another year long military deployment. This time it was me and two kids alone. We got away from DD years ago. I don't think it was anything we wanted but life unfolded in such a way that it just happened. Well, I asked my DH for a divorce because things had gotten so chaotic and hectic, the communication just failed in our marriage.

Instead, he's proposed a year of trying to save our marriage. Marriage counseling, going to church together, doing more as a family and reincorporating DD.

Those of you with small children, how did you work DD around the kids?

2 comments:

Lucy Lou said...

Hey there :). I have been meaning to comment for a few days. My blog is pretty much in retirement....lol...and it took me a while to get my google id to work.

Ok...so yes, we do ttwd with pretty small kids. We have four ranging from 9 to almost 3. It can be challenging. It definitely ebbs and flows. We are coming off of a very trying year. Things being stressful. Hurtful ugly words being said. He has been very busy working full time and also working towards his masters. I've been busy wrangling kids and trying to keep things together around the house. Not fun. I've felt ignored. He's felt disrespected. And all this came three years into ttwd. Just goes to show you it can definitely go in loops.

I can't imagine how hard life has been for you during his deployment. I applaud his idea and willingness to work on things. So how we make this work. It's a process for sure. We've been doing this long enough that I know what he expects and wants and he knows what I need. It takes a lot of talking. We have a weekly meeting to map out our week. Who is doing what on what day. Whether it's mowing the grass... Taking a kid to practice.... Laundry etc. it all goes on the list. It's a way for us to not have to guess what the other is thinking. I'm held accountable for my part. It's one way he shows his dom side. I need little glimpses of that each day in order for me to keep moving along. He's a very touchy guy. Grabbing. Drive by smacks. That sort of thing. We talk a lot. It's that age old answer. Communication is everything. He needs to know what you need to be successful. And you need to know his needs. I suggest date nights as often as you can manage as well as time away for just you. Raising small kids is a tough job.

I'm not sure what else specifically you are looking for. I do still have my blog email set up. Feel free to shoot me questions. I'll do my best to help or atleast tell you what we did :)

Hang in there!

Lucy

lucyslunacy@gmail.com

Dragon's Rose said...

I was an Air force wife for 19 years. Deployments, PTSD and stress almost ended our marriage several times. But we stuck it out. No counseling. We started dating again. Picnics, dinner or a movie. It worked for us.

DD with small children is easier than Dd with teenagers. We use our detached garage now that our kids are older. When they were little we just made sure they were asleep before the paddle hit my backside. Dr can work and so can being married in the military. It takes work.

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